Drunk...

Drunk... NOT!! haha.. 'tis the second time i got really tipsy... because that bargirl keep filling my cup.. haha.. then i keep drinking.. then she refill again.. and again.. haha... wondering why am i drinking?? don't think i am a habitual drinker ok... 'cos i am not!! I seldom drink and i don't like the taste of ale very much.. but surprisingly.. it doesn't taste too bad tonight... perhaps i am in the mood for drinking..

It has been quite a week... remember that day i said i was depressed? and then i came home.. even though i promised someone i would visit while he was working.. but i tot... nah... ain't too interested in him anyways... although i am, a bit lah.. haha... but he's a bad boy... well... 男人不坏，女人不爱。haha... but still, haiz... nvm...

what i really wanna talk about is today's interview. I went to the school's career fair on thursday and i got involved in an interview about a poosible job prospect. I was sooo excited!! Then when my sis went home, and i suddenly felt empty, the excitement faded... but as i went home on friday.. the excitement came back... i even went to get a good long sleeve shirt for it!!

Then today came... It was supposedly a long day... I had to give tuition at 10, be at the interview by one, go for second tuition at 4.30, then meet jinny at 7 @ chomp chomp! sometimes, i think i over-rate myself.. haha... but then... things went haywire... =(

Firstly, things went so well, it was unbelievable!! I actually reach the gate of my tuition kid's house at 10!! but she didn't come down to open the gate for me... i gotta wait for quite long... thenafter the tuition i went straight to marsiling to get my photo done and my certs photocopied... then i was right on time for the interview... I got through 2 rounds of interview... the first was by this guy called Teck Choi, i think... and i believe he had high opinions of me... then i went to charles loh... haiz.. there's where i flopped i think... maybe i presume too much.. =i got sent back home without my third interview.. =(

SAD!!!!!!

Then i wanted to meet that guy.. even though i know i should not... but i wanted to... then he didn't ask... so nvm... then i went home, changed and went out to meet jinny... The thought of being able to go out and eat and sing cheered me up considerably!! then guess what happened?

She's late. By Half Hour.

Because of a show she has on VCD, and a chat with her dear little bro.

Which she could have done every other day.

Except she chose today. =(

Sianz!!!! I waited like a fool at the bus stop for half hour just for her. Even though i know she'll be late, but just in case she was on time. Note i didn't even bother with early. 'cos she'll never be early. haha... I know her since sec school... more than ten years ago... what'dya expect? haha...

But still i was depressed and i needed to sing... even though i was hungry to boot and tred due to late nights.... so we went to ktv directly. Now that's a different story. I had fun. I even had a duet with this old man who thinks i sing really well... haha.. well... to each his opinion, isn't it? haha... Anyways, had great fun but ended up tipsy... think its worth it though. at least i am not drunk and am able to write this out immediately... haha... I'm good, ain't i?? haha... =p

It's another full moon tonight...

It's another Full Moon tonight...

I seem to be seeing a lot of Full Moons recently...

Did time really pass so quickly? Or has it been ages since i look up into the dark blue sky?

What is the date today? I don't know...

Is it the first day or the fifteenth of the lunar month?

What have i been doing thus far?

Everything seems to be moving at a really fast pace these days.. i barely have time to sit and think.. Even meal times were just a sit-and-eat-and-watch-or-talk sessions. Luckily for me, i have had company for meals these days... But still i ask myself.. did time really accelerate? How come i dun have time for anything anymore? Is my life hereafter gonna be like this??

But i really shouldn't be complaining.. I have really good times these days.. smooth and somehow, i managed to get things done. Maybe that's why time seem to have flew past. It seems like my sis was never here. I seems like i havent had anny visitors for a long time. It seems like i have never moved from this seat in front of my com. It seemed just yesterday that i last entered a blog here. But we all know i did.

For the first time in a long while... I feel empty.

All these days, i have never once stopped to think, "what am i doing?" or "what am i going to do next?" I seem to be in perpetual state of happy trance. Happy trance? i hear u say... yeah... u heard right. All the happy things just happened and it all happened so fast. I really have nothing to complain about. But that's the way it is about good things that happens. It never last. Not that i have anything to complain about. But that's just the way it is. When it is all over, a sense of emptiness engulfs u suddenly, making you realise what just happened the last couple of days. It's like a spot of rain in a hot, mid-summers day. You are suddenly awake from the dreamlike daze.

Welcome back to reality.
Check.

It's time to get back to work. Alone.

I really didn't mind the trance-like state. I got things done and its all done well.

But i also realise that it is at this time that you can truly appreciate how well life has been treating you and that you deserve to be treated well. So no matter how hard the in-between gets, i'll always remember that the next bout of good times is just hanging around the corner.

Now THAT's a happy thought. ('',)

In the Meantime...

I was chatting with a friend last night... About sinners and forgivers. She Said..

"Being repentent or forgiven of sins doesn't give you the passport to commit more sins."

I have to agree with her. Being forgiven for sins as long as you are repentent is based on the belief that once you are truly repentent, you won't commit more sins... But how true is that really? Another thought came to me... "If my body is a temple, then the goddess in me is my soul". Amongst the worshippers that came to the temple, how many truly worships not just the temple, but the goddess in me? How will i know?? Then another voice rang out in my head: " God will know". Trust the Goddess within you to distinguish the real believer of your soul. But in the meantime, what do i do to the worshippers that gather at the temple doors? DO i have to let them in, in order to know which is the right one.. the ONLY one for me? I have no idea.

I have been reading a book, "In the Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant. It tells me that i should learn to love myself in order to possess the capability to love others. It is not until i learn to love myself that i can identify who is worthy and ready to receive my love. It kindda suits me.. the author agrees with me that there is one PERFECT mate for everyone out there, but very few can idenitify who it is. Most people will mistake other emotions for love... because LOVE is, essentially, an EMOTION.

Some people will mistake care and concern for love... Understandably, because with love, there will be care and concern. But LOVE is not just about care and concern. Others will mistake symphathy and pity for love, due to the need and feeling of being cared for when past experiences have given none of those. There are also those who mistake kindness, emphathy, companionship, jealousy and happiness for love. They aren't exactly wrong in making that mistake because love is all that, and more. Why do people make that mistake, its because we do not recognise that love is not just one emotion, it is a combination or a series of emotions that create that wonderful feeling of love. You feel safe, secure, wanted, cared for, emphatized with, understood, cuddled, and warm. At the same time, you feel anger, hurt, jealousy, disappointed, sad and then some when your love one did something out of your comfort zone. We feel all that and more, because love is not just one particular feeling. You know you're in love when you feel that no matter how hurt or disappointed this person has made you, you still want that person in your life. That is when you know that you and that person is destined to be together... FOREVER. That is when the god in you speaks.

But while waiting for that person to appear, we must first cleanse ourselves. Not just of sins... but of all the past cynicism, negative experiences, bad habits, rituals, or anything that can cloud a person's mind and turn that person away from the love that that person deserves. It is the same as how we always ignore the sound advice and concerns of our family and people that care for us; how we always hurt the person who loves us most by turning a blind eye to all that they have done for us. In truth, all relationships are the same, be it kinship, friendship or coupledom, because love exists in ALL of them. If we do not learn how to love our family or our friends, how can we learn to love our mate? If we do not know how to care for the people who have been with you all that ten, twenty years of your life, how will we know how to care for someone that will be your companion for the next thirty, forty years? What and who we are is sculpted by what and how we've reacted and lived in the past. Hence, by cleaning out our past, clearing out all the unwanted, undesired and negative thoughts and behaviour from our lives, that's when we can truly be cleansed and ready to love. Even if we are done with our own soul cleansing, but the one who love hasn't arrived (because he or she is also doing their "soul" cleaning) we will still be a happier person.

After realising all these, all those past emotions and knots that have been bothering me began to untie themselves. I suddenly realise that i have all the answers to the questions that i ask. Because the goddess is within me. I only have to look within my soul to know the answers. "seek and you shall find" suddenly makes more sense. i used to ask, "who can i seek in order to find?" now i know why the one who wrote this omitted the "who", because that "who" is yourself. Nobody can tell you what is right or wrong, what is the truth or not. That is what the mind and the heart is for. Everyone has a brain but seldom do we realise what we use the brain for. For maths? science? for learning? for work? for me... my brain is for making the right connections, for answers.

What should i do next? immediately, my brain tells me that i should stop writing this and start to do all those pending assignments and projects and what-have-you!! haha... so much for asking... ~(^-*)~

Showing Appreciation.... to Kal-El Design.

I always believe in showing appreciation to those who have helped you in one way or another. In life, no one can go through difficult times, or even simple times without the help of someone around you. Be it just a smile to brighten up your day, a simple word of thanks to show that your efforts have been appreciated, or just a pat on the back to comment your efforts of having done something right. It's the little gestures that gets you through the day, knowing that somewhere out there, someone appreciates you, truly recognises you for youe efforts and truly cares about the thoughts your works convey. I also believing in doing tangible things to show your concern or appreciation for someone. Hence, this post.

For the friend who helped modify my blog design... someone who sought to understand what i wanted and went out of his way to help me find it... someone who can stand my incessant chatter over the net and on the phone... someone who always put others interest above his own... someone who always gives but expects nothing in return... someone by the name of Nicky. =)

It is always a pleasure knowing someone who becomes a friend, and someone who is there in times of need and despair. It's always good to know that even though he may not be your best friend or even comes close, he is still willing to put all he has into helping do little things for you. Although i advocate on never using friends for your own convenience, involuntarily, i have made use of him as well. Therefore, i will dedicate this post to him and just wanna say

Thank you.

For a friend. =(^-^)=

Love is...

Was browsing through you-tube the other day looking for naruto to watch over meals.. when i came across this video. It's one by a filopino singer... She's Nina, a soul-siren as praised by others. After listening to her song on the video, i share the same sentiments. It's a song called "Love Moves in Mysterious Ways" and i truly agree with all that's written in the lyrics!! It's exactly how i feel about love sometimes... Take a look at the lyrics and you'll see what i mean...

Love Moves in Mysterious Ways

By Nina – Soul Siren

Who’d have thought this is how the pieces fit

You and I shouldn’t even try making sense of it

I forgot how we ever came this far

I believe we had reasons but I don’t know what they are

So blame it on my heart, oh

** Love moves in mysterious ways

It’s always so surprising how love appears over the horizon

I’ll love you for the rest of my days

But still it’s a mystery of how u ever came to me

Which only prove love moves in mysterious ways **

Heaven knows love is just a chance we take

We make plans but then love demands a leap of faith

So hold me close and never ever let me go

Even though we think we know which way the river flows

That’s not the way love goes

Chorus **

Bridge:

Like a ticking of clock two hearts that beat as one

But I’ll never understand the way it’s done, oh

Repeat Chorus **

Love moves in mysterious ways.

See what i mean? It's like.. whenever you go searching for love, thinking you know everything about the game of love, only to be surprised when the one you have been trying to impress isn't, whereas those whom you think of as a friend thinks of you as more. Then you start questioning yourself, where on earth did you go wrong? But as time passes, you'll realise that you ain't do nothing wrong. It's just that love moves in mysterious ways and it's hard to fathom which way it goes... so just let nature run it's course and somehow, someway, someday.. love will flow towards you and all you can do is embrace it with open arms and let the currents of love sweep you off your feet.. ride the waves of joy, float in the sea of happiness and land with the serenity and somberness of a relationship. That's when you realise true love has arrived. =)

Just wanna wish myself and anyone who reads this: May all true love be requitted and all lovers reunite.

Wondering when will my true love appear?? hee... =p