Thoughts on... Money

I just spent money... and am not feeling good about it.

Since when do I feel bad about retail therapy?

Was it when I started chalking up debts?

Was it when I started chalking up debts... again?

Was it when my parents had to clear my debts for me?

Was it when my sister had to pay my tax?

Or perhaps... it was the accumulation of guilt from all of the above?

Why am I not able to break that habit??

Was it because I am not trying?

Was it because I do not wish to?

Or is it because I am not being honest with myself??

What is happening to me?????

Where is that strong-headed, capable girl that I was?

Where has that confident, aggressive career woman gone?

I am still here... or am I really??

Why all these questions????

Well... at least this part is still very me.

I am still me... but I am changed.

I am essentially me... but what I have becomed, is not what I want to be.

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I had an interview the other day. It was a good one.

But when the guy started telling me about the achiever's rate of 95%, and I had lied about my closure rate, I knew I lost it.

What good career could be achieved through a lie?

Why did I feel like I had to lie to get through my interview?

Lying, it seems, is becoming a habit. That does not bode well.

What should I do now?



I know what I need to do. Question is, will I be able to make it??

And that, unfortunately, remains a question...