In the Meantime...

I was chatting with a friend last night... About sinners and forgivers. She Said..

"Being repentent or forgiven of sins doesn't give you the passport to commit more sins."

I have to agree with her. Being forgiven for sins as long as you are repentent is based on the belief that once you are truly repentent, you won't commit more sins... But how true is that really? Another thought came to me... "If my body is a temple, then the goddess in me is my soul". Amongst the worshippers that came to the temple, how many truly worships not just the temple, but the goddess in me? How will i know?? Then another voice rang out in my head: " God will know". Trust the Goddess within you to distinguish the real believer of your soul. But in the meantime, what do i do to the worshippers that gather at the temple doors? DO i have to let them in, in order to know which is the right one.. the ONLY one for me? I have no idea.

I have been reading a book, "In the Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant. It tells me that i should learn to love myself in order to possess the capability to love others. It is not until i learn to love myself that i can identify who is worthy and ready to receive my love. It kindda suits me.. the author agrees with me that there is one PERFECT mate for everyone out there, but very few can idenitify who it is. Most people will mistake other emotions for love... because LOVE is, essentially, an EMOTION.

Some people will mistake care and concern for love... Understandably, because with love, there will be care and concern. But LOVE is not just about care and concern. Others will mistake symphathy and pity for love, due to the need and feeling of being cared for when past experiences have given none of those. There are also those who mistake kindness, emphathy, companionship, jealousy and happiness for love. They aren't exactly wrong in making that mistake because love is all that, and more. Why do people make that mistake, its because we do not recognise that love is not just one emotion, it is a combination or a series of emotions that create that wonderful feeling of love. You feel safe, secure, wanted, cared for, emphatized with, understood, cuddled, and warm. At the same time, you feel anger, hurt, jealousy, disappointed, sad and then some when your love one did something out of your comfort zone. We feel all that and more, because love is not just one particular feeling. You know you're in love when you feel that no matter how hurt or disappointed this person has made you, you still want that person in your life. That is when you know that you and that person is destined to be together... FOREVER. That is when the god in you speaks.

But while waiting for that person to appear, we must first cleanse ourselves. Not just of sins... but of all the past cynicism, negative experiences, bad habits, rituals, or anything that can cloud a person's mind and turn that person away from the love that that person deserves. It is the same as how we always ignore the sound advice and concerns of our family and people that care for us; how we always hurt the person who loves us most by turning a blind eye to all that they have done for us. In truth, all relationships are the same, be it kinship, friendship or coupledom, because love exists in ALL of them. If we do not learn how to love our family or our friends, how can we learn to love our mate? If we do not know how to care for the people who have been with you all that ten, twenty years of your life, how will we know how to care for someone that will be your companion for the next thirty, forty years? What and who we are is sculpted by what and how we've reacted and lived in the past. Hence, by cleaning out our past, clearing out all the unwanted, undesired and negative thoughts and behaviour from our lives, that's when we can truly be cleansed and ready to love. Even if we are done with our own soul cleansing, but the one who love hasn't arrived (because he or she is also doing their "soul" cleaning) we will still be a happier person.

After realising all these, all those past emotions and knots that have been bothering me began to untie themselves. I suddenly realise that i have all the answers to the questions that i ask. Because the goddess is within me. I only have to look within my soul to know the answers. "seek and you shall find" suddenly makes more sense. i used to ask, "who can i seek in order to find?" now i know why the one who wrote this omitted the "who", because that "who" is yourself. Nobody can tell you what is right or wrong, what is the truth or not. That is what the mind and the heart is for. Everyone has a brain but seldom do we realise what we use the brain for. For maths? science? for learning? for work? for me... my brain is for making the right connections, for answers.

What should i do next? immediately, my brain tells me that i should stop writing this and start to do all those pending assignments and projects and what-have-you!! haha... so much for asking... ~(^-*)~