It takes Two to Tango!!

Just came across this on the facebook of a friend's friend and thought I would like to spread his thoughts...

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It takes 2 to Tango!

by Andy Tay (notes) Friday, October 3, 2008 at 2:31am

Recently, I've taken up Tango, for numerous reasons. To learn something to exercise my "creativity" in a form of art, increase my social skills, confidence and posture etc etc...and no, I wasn't interested in Salsa because the whole world seems to be doing it. Yes, I'm abit of a mis-matcher when it comes to such stuff...My conversations with the teachers and practice have been pretty illuminating, right from day one...and I just thought of sharing some of the lessons learned so far that I feel apply very much to general relationships in life, whether personal or business. The notes below are more from the Man's point of view as we do the leading generally in the dance.

1) In Tango, the man normally leads, the lady follows. For any relationship, whether business or personal, someone must lead and someone must follow. However, unlike Tango where its always the man, it can be interchanged in relationships, perhaps at various frequencies and intensities. Nonetheless, there can't be always 2 Indian chiefs all the time!

2) The leader must always give advance notice, from the subtle changes in posture etc. This is to prepare the partner so that they can be in sync and execute the move smoothly. Ensure that the other party already knows the movement or direction and has already moved their legs/body into position, before finally executing the final move. This will ensure fluidity and smoothness while showing care and consideration for the partner. In relationships, nobody likes sudden changes without notice. Always give advance notice and prepare the other party. Have open communication and be sensitive to each other's subtle communication too.

3) Focus on the other person and think how the partner would like to be treated. By putting ourselves in our partner's shoes, we can always think 1 step ahead and give our partner the best dancing experience. In relationship, if both parties can constantly think this way, wouldn't it just be a lovely partnership? By focusing on the other party, we are in a Giving mode, and simultaneously open to receive more too.

4) Build the foundations strongly first. In Tango, "walking" is the key. We've spent the first 4 hours really practicing and honing this before moving to more advanced stages. Same thing in a relationship, if the foundation of really knowing and trusting each other is not there, even if the relationship moved to the next level, it would not be something very sturdy and long lasting. Therefore, get the fundamentals right (or the base of the pyramid firm) and everything else on top will be sturdier!

5) Tango is a dance which demands alot of feeling and being present. It is not about memorizing dance steps and showing off movements. We need to be fully in the present and dance with the heart. It is the process that matters more, not just the end result. In relationships, for the relationship to flourish, both parties should put in the 100% and BE in the present, sensing, feeling and being observant and putting their heart into it. If we can do this, the relationship will be beautiful.

6) Tango is not you vs me, ego vs ego. It is a dance of synchronicity and partnership, where both parties must put in equal effort for the dance to flourish. For relationships, many a times, one party expects more than the other and does not put in as much as the other. Consider that if both parties put in their best effort, only the best can happen. Remember the saying: It takes 2 to Tango!

7) Keep your partner on their toes and be creative! Repeating the dance steps over and over again will only make you predictable and boring. In relationships, be unique and different, don't fall into a boring routine too quickly. Little surprises are always nice. It does not have to be expensive, but be creative and express yourself and just watch the magic unveil itself...

8) Don't let praises get to your head. I was guilty of this tonight. As i was getting to the swing of things, my partner said: "wah..someone getting more confident already" and I lost it straight after. It went to my head and ego, and I lost concentration. In relationships, one must never get over-confident or arrogant. It might be a slippery slope thereafter. Always be conscious, always strive to do your best and be better.


Ok, thats my learnings so far and co-relation to relationships. Hope it has been useful for you. Well, its definitely interesting for me to document this and practice my writing! Now to implement the lessons and hone it to the next level, both the dancing and the relationships! Thank you for reading!