After the pain, comes Hope..

Only Hope - Switchfoot



But I like this version better

Only Hope by Mandy Moore




There's a song that's inside of my soul..
It's the one that i've tried to write over and over again
i'm awake in the infinite cold..
But you sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And i lift my hands and pray..
To be only yours, i pray
To be only yours, I know now
You're my only Hope

Sing to me the soing of the Stars
Of your Galazy Dancing, Laughing and Laughing again
When it seems my dreams's so far,
Sing to me the plans that you have to me
Over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And i lift my hands and pray..
To be only yours, i pray
To be only yours, I know now
You're my only Hope

I give you my Destiny
I'm giving you all of me
I want your symphony
Singing in All that I am
At the top of my lungs
I'm giving it Back

So I lay my head back down
And i lift my hands and pray..
To be only yours, i pray
To be only yours, I know now
You're my only Hope

The Sound of Pain...

What does pain sound like?



This is the sound of pain, echoing through the doubts in my mind and the stab of the heart, numbing my fingers and the flow of blood...

For Someone I'm Missing Terribly...

I havent seen him or heard from him for a while... It makes me wonder if Fate had anything to do with it..

When we first started out.. I would always see him online, despite the time difference we had.

Now, I have to wake up at odd hours, just waiting to see if I have any chance to talk to him.

Even when I called, he never switches on his phone, or he leaves it somewhere, not picking it up.

All these signs bode ill and lead me thinking wild...

But then i'll see his offline msgs leaving me a reason, some sort of explaination and I soften up...

Are we still on or are we cracking up?

Are you still mine, my valentine?

My Second Poem from Him..

It is a wonderful morning... The first thing I saw was a msg from him..
We had a wonderful conversation last night.. I felt loved again.. Wanted..

Love is an emotion, a natural feeling. It will not be lost.. just weak or strong.
And just with a little attention, it will spring to life, reminding us why we have loved in the first place 'cos we all tend to forget, what is it that we loved about that person, that very day, that very moment when sparks flew...

From the first skip of the Heart...
To the incessant pounding at every part;
From the first touch



A Little Sweet Nothing..

Open your window tonight
So I can blow a kiss in the air
And the breeze from the wind will
Direct it to your house and through your window
And lay softly upon your cheek.
And in the morning when you wake up
You will smell me in the air
Even though I am here

You'll know that I was there...

Where Destiny Lies...

Where Destiny lies... is where my heart is...

Its been three days...

Since that Saturday morning where I woke up at 5.30 am, hoping that my beloved is online because I know that I have not been talking to him for two days... and I hope he is waiting to chat with me as eager as i am to him.

It's been three days...

Since he finally showed me that he has a webcam, and that he finally showed me him... but i have yet to see his true face... WE had a lovely evening/morning, both wanting to cuddle, to be loved by the other... Knowing that to love and be loved is the greatest gift of all...

It's been three days...

Since I asked about being together for real... about whether we can truly be in love.. for real... whether we can really cuddle and be loved... for real... whether he can fly over to see me.. for real... I had my doubts; he his worries. Neither are truly ready nor truly meant to meet... yet. Perhaps this is our fate.. my destiny..

Three days and I feel that I've been locked out of his world... Not knowing what happened to him, not wanting to think of what might even happen... I trust that GOD keeps him safe and happy. I trust that he has loved, will love and am still going to love me. Naturally pessimistic, yet trying to be optimistic - that delicate balance between what could have been and what i want to be... Like walking on a tight rope, keep thinking i might fall yet stubbornly trying to focus on the goalwhere i wanna be.

I remember that Friday when I was hanging out with Siti after work.. Talking about having Caucasian bfs. I envied her having such a handsome, smart, capable yet sweet, thoughtful and wonderful bf. How i knew? She told me, of cos... of all the things he did to her, for her, with her... All the things he and I spoke of... Things that we wanted to do together... I missed him even more than was ever possible that very moment. I wondered, is it the thought that has me pining or is it true love? I choose to believe the latter.

If only everything was real.. If only he was here... If only... I left him a msg that I didn't want to be too attached to him... only because if I did, then the heartache will be unbearable if all these are not going to be true... Because I know that he would not need someone who is too dependent on him.. because I want to be an independent woman, a woman that is capable of loving him and myself.

I once read this somewhere... "It's not that you are invisible to me... It's because you are too close that I cannot see you peripherally; It is only when you left me... that I feel I lost a part of me..." That's why I dun wanna be too attached... because I don't want us to end.

Love is never lost... It's just not strong enough to hold two people together anymore...

Mine is still strong... What about you?