What a life it's been!

It's been the longest three weeks i have ever experienced in my entire life...

and my life's barely halfway done!! Considering i have been doing nothing but rush projects and assignments, what kind of life is that?? i have always believed that life is not all about work and studies... but i haven't done much to prove it. Like they say, there's always tomorrow... and i am falling prey to it. Though i have been reading some books to keep myself sane and alive.. haha... and this led me to recall something that i read somewhere.. online, i believe.

"Who says i'm suffering in INSANITY? I'm ENJOYING every minute of it!!"

Haha.. how's that? Well, back to the last three weeks. I wanna commit this to memory.. haha.. INSANITY! First, i had to finish up my personal project on my GE - "Personal Mastery in Managing Change". Well, it ain't that i am a master of change now.. haha.. but at least something did change. I have learned the following quote i picked up from Joan Lunden:

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced"

- James Baldwin

Well then.. at least all that i can do is to face whatever i am set up with.. I have pasted all these motivational quote all over my board that i face everyday when i sit on my desk.. haha.. so that i can "face" it.. haha.. Let's just see how much it helps! Cos i badly do need help now... The stress and the lonliness is getting too much for me to bear.. Besides this assignment, i was rushing to finish up my FYP. I have stretching my own limits and the deadline.. hoping to come up with something that is good enough that i dun have to do it again... NOT! Apparently, i got confused in my need to produce a good work, i produced something that was way below the standards!! DAMNIT!! My Prof was disappointed in me.. shitty feeling... I never like the feeling of disappointing anyone... So i was determined to make my next project good! But there were so many Complications that i broke down... I cried when a friend called to make sure i was alright.. so paiseh.. haiz... so vulnerable. =(

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road, as long as you make the turn"

"Life's Challenges are not supposed to paralyze you. They're supposed to help you discover who you really are."

- Bernice Johnson Reagan

These are the words that kept me going on. I had to discover that i am capable of good work and worthy of something. My self-worth is diminishing in the face of the stress due to the tasks that i have undertaken. And the pressure to graduate this semester is getting to me. I have to get through. I can't be stuck in this stage forever! But the pressure makes me wanna run.. just run away from everything.

"The only failure which lacks dignity is the failure to try."

I can't run forever. I can only stay and fight it out. No matter what the future holds, only staying and braving the storm, believing that the storm will not last forever; Believing that the future after the storm will once again be beautiful and wonderful again. Like i mentioned in my previous blog, no matter how hard the in-between gets, i'll remember that the next bout of good times is just hanging in the corner.

"If you wish success in Life,

make PERSEVERANCE your bosom friend,

EXPERIENC E your wise counselor,

CAUTION your elder brother,

HOPE your guardian genius."

- Joseph Addison

so all that i can do now is just to tough it out. Retyping my FYP, my last school project of the year; my last contribution to the heaping pile of worthless projects meant to fell the students.. haha.. but at least i know that this will turn out to be my turning point - the last step to the next phase of my life. I will not be stuck at this phase forever. Everybody's changing, i'm the only one that's staying constant. But it was not worthless. I have emerged from this span a better person. It seems like i am given the chance that few people have to slow down time and take a closer look at my life and my future. Be sure of what i want, what i need and how to go about doing it. I have a clearer picture of what work i will and am good for undertaking. A whole lot of prospects, opportunities and promises is just laying there, just beyond my reach, waiting for me to transend into the next phase, the next dimension, the next step of my life. I am given this golden opportunity to let go of my past and emerge from this phase a new person. I have changes, and i am glad for this change. =)

~ My Prayer ~

Pray that God will grant me the wisdom and knowledge to be able to handle all the questions that will come out for my quiz...

Father in Heaven, I also pray that you grant me the memory capacity and go before me to my examination/quiz hall so as to prepare my place.

Let me not have the fear but have faith when i attempt all my quiz questions

Pray that you will protect me from the Satan's attack when i am staying up late at night to study for my quiz

Lead me to the correct answers for my upcoming quiz...

Pray that you will guide me in my studies as well.

Let me know what to study and what not to study as i have piles and piles of reading to do.

TOday i surrender my apprehension into your Father Loving Hand.

All this i pray in the Mighty Jesus's name.

Amen.