Words Can Hurt

I am hurt by words... Again.

They never understand... No matter how many times i have tried telling them that words can hurt, especially people like us who needs words of encouragement... but they never listen. They called me a slut, a wanton kid who would do drugs, a girl who is a prefect and a student with good grades, at 15. Now, almost ten years later, at 23, a college undergrad who is due to start a career in less than six months, they are still calling me a whore, someone who acts and behaves like a shameless flirt and someone who does not deserve respect from her friends, just because a friend called me at the last min to cancel an appointment. Hey, things happen at the last moment, you know?!?!?! What is this??

Just because i like to wear clothes that accentuate my curves and flaunt my assets doesn't mean that i am a prostitute. Not minding that my friends like to joke and call names then they do not respect me. Well, i understand that this is their way of harmless fun and i call them names too when i joke. If i can't take their jokes i make it known to them and they stop. And there is a fine line between being trashy and stylish. It only depends on how the wearer carry herself. I hold my head high and i walk with pride and confidence. Does that make me trashy? I think not. And i do not flirt shamelessly with guys. Holding my bro' s hand when i go out doesn't mean i will do the same with my guy friends!! I tend to be more affectionate with my family members and i am not afraid to show it in public, is that so wrong?

And making money through being a companion to a girl abt half my age, is that so bad? To me, its just being a babysitter or a nanny or something in between. Yes, i understand their concerns and worries, but it all just boils down to one thing. They don't trust me. They don't think i know what i am getting myself into and not knowing what i am doing. Why is it that they can never acknowledge my work? I am doing this for myself, in my process of finding out what i wanna do and what kind of life i wanna lead... is that sooo bad??

Do i have to wrap myself up like a mummy to prove that i am decent? Do i have to speak less to show that i have wisdom? Do i have to completely swear off makeup to look proper? Must i wear a mask even in front of the people who claims to know me the best and groom me up to what i become for the last 23 years?

Can someone tell me what i should do or think or even say to survive the next.... Only God knows how many more years i have being stuck in this quicksand. I can't move another inch or i'll drown but i can't get out too. i can only stay still and watch as the sand suck me in, one mm by one mm, day by day...

Will someone pass me that damn stick and pull me out of their grasp?!?!?!?! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!