Friendship is won...

"Friendship is not won by the giving of things, but by the giving of the Heart..."

I have a little postcard on my table with a cute little cat holding this heart in its mouth and these very words printed on it. These words brings back fond memories and sad ones too. It makes me reflect on how life is so complicated and how life can never go the way you want it to be. All you can do is just to live the way you want to live and live with no regrets.

But is it really possible to live with no regrets? No, i don't think so. i already have some regrets but i keep telling myself that it isn't, so i can live up to those very words. Is this wat everyone is doing as well?? Are we all keeping our regrets, buried deep inside one corner of the mind and never to be taken out and read?

I always advocate that u should try the things that u really wanna try, so that u live with no regrets. "u never try, u'll never know." but trying might turn out to be one of the greatest mistake u ever took. This is the time to reflect: should i have tried it? was trying it worth never to find out?

I have tried not telling the one i liked that i liked him, and i have tried telling the one that i liked that i like him; i have tried giving advices to my friends, and i have refrained from giving opinions as well; i have been trying to live with no regrets and ending up with more regrets in the end. What is worth it and what is not??

I am always filled with questions... this is only one of them. When i post these questions to my parents, they tell me that i think too much; when i tell my friends these doubts, they tell me i think too much. Am i honestly just thinking too much? If i had the answers to these questions, will i still be thinking about them?

They always say, "Seek and you shall find". I have sought for the answers to my questions yet no one wants to answer them. Don't anyone wants the answers to life?

Oh ok, some tells me jesus will. (I am a free-thinker, btw) I have a lot of christian friends who tells me that Jesus provides all the answers. Is this true? I am afraid to ask. It seems that they have it. But they dun share with non-christians. why must i be a christian to know? The more they ask me to seek Christ, the more afraid i become. I do not know why do i have this irrational fear (i think its irrational cos there is no reason) but it exists. and the more they ask me to seek god, the more afraid i become. yet, i wish to know. ISn't there any other way that i can seek these answers?

you see, i am a very confused person. People always tell me that i have a problem conveying my thoughts. Why? probs becos i go by the flow of words, the rush of thoughts that just come pouring out of my mind. (now my hands) where do these words come from? honestly, it happens just as i write it so i never know where it comes from. It seems to be an instantaneous thingy... It has no form, no smell, no nothing. the moment the words come i start to type. When it stops, i stop. Simple. I used to have a few stories that i wrote as essays in sch... when i reflect on it, i am pretty amazed becos of the story unfolds in a streamlined manner. But i have never stopped to think and ask if i want my male lead to die or live or cry or smile. It seems as if the story unfolds itself in my mind even as i type. See? i digress again.

At the end of this blog, u will notice that u know a lot abt this girl but u just dunno wat is it that u know abt me. Either that or u think that this girl is just plain pathetic cos u dun understand wat the hell i am talking abt. There seems to be a main point in this story but it suddenly seems to digress so far away that u can't catch up with me... haha...

if you honestly think that u can analyze my thinking, please let me know. I am just a very confused person and i hope someone can enlighten me on who i really am. Thank you. : )